enter fruitsblogsket, where blog meets fruits basket, one of my favorite anime titles. FruitsBlogsket is my personal fansite dedicated for Fruits Basket. You'll read my blog, find avatars, wallpapers, read the Sohma diaries, discover what Tohru and the Sohmas are doing and many more. Fruitsblogsket is an experimental fansite. Feel free to check the site.
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To tell You the truth, I'm scared of my fall term. Mom, found her job that she was looking for and I am thankful. We've been discussing that for a while. And I am thankful. She said that I can now quit my job and concentrate on my studies so I can take more than 3 subjects per term. I can't take more than 4 subjects because that's too much for a working student like me. Fall term starts on September 7th and they will end on November 23rd. I don't want to quit work because I can't depend on them all the time. As I've made my intention clear last year, I wanted to help Mom and Dad alleviate some of the expenses. I want to work because I also have some things I want to buy. Even though I can apply for a student loan, I plan to save money for the future.
As I was reviewing my schedule for the fall term, I noticed that it's almost identical to last year's schedule. But I only have one Math subject on the winter term. And I'm planning to take subjects for spring of 2012 as well. My computer course is every Wednesday, 6-9pm. Lab is on Friday. I work in the evenings. I will be spending more time away from home in the evenings. And I'm just realizing that I will only have one day of rest, Sunday. I will be either at school or at work from Monday to Saturday. Despite the rest on Sundays, I won't be home neither. Still I thought to myself that it'll only be for 12 weeks.
I was given an option in my head that I could drop that computer course because computer courses are hard. But I believe that I need that course. If I drop that subject, I can gain a day off. But if I dropped the subject, that would prolong my study even further to a year.
I remembered what my mom said, after I registered my subjects, she asked me if I could handle my load. What did she mean by that? I said I would handle it, because I want to graduate. She was concerned, I think. I know it's hard. But I feel that if I take this subject off, I'd be making a mistake. I'd be wasting the time. And if I finish this subject and pass it, it would a huge achievement. With You, anything is possible.
I don't know where to start thanking You. After what happened last year, I want to experience You again. I didn't want to drop it because I want to put my faith in You. I want to find out what You have for me, the best things that You've laid for me. I know it's going to be a lot of work, I know it's going to be really hard, I know it's going to be really exhausting. But I want to experience You because, in You, there is wholeness of joy. There's so much I can gain from You. Even though I'm scared, even though I really don't know what will happen to me this year, I am excited to find out what You have planned for me. I ask for Your wisdom this year, my God. I bring You back the glory. I am very grateful. I really don't know where I should start thanking You.
This is my solemn prayer. And also an open letter. In Jesus Christ's name,
I'm on a slump. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, if it's writer's block, if I'm burned out or if it's my fear of writing. But the obligations and appointments are driving me nuts. I can't truly find some time for myself and do the things that I've been wanting to do. Before me is the painful truth that there will always be something that needs to be done; I'm needed for something here and I'm needed for something there. Ugh, I just need to be away. I promised myself I won't waste the summer because I'm not ready for another 10 months of school yet. I've lost 10 months worth of sleep, so I'm still trying to catch the Zs even if I sleep all day. Yeah, so maybe I'm still cranky for sleep. That's all. If there's the chance to sleep, I'm taking it. I'm hoping I could swing my momentum towards inspiration asap.
update: currently planning how to add the next 'significant' addition to FruitsBlogsket.