enter fruitsblogsket, where blog meets fruits basket, one of my favorite anime titles. FruitsBlogsket is my personal fansite dedicated for Fruits Basket. You'll read my blog, find avatars, wallpapers, read the Sohma diaries, discover what Tohru and the Sohmas are doing and many more. Fruitsblogsket is an experimental fansite. Feel free to check the site.
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My Mother's Lullaby
When I was a child, my mom would always sing me her lullaby. It would always make me feel warm and cozy under my blanket. The stroke of her hand while singing would make any pain go away. It was magic. She never failed to make me fall asleep.
Some kids like their bedtime stories. As for me, I just tug my mom while she's cooking or reading and tell her that I'm going to sleep. Mom would then put down whatever she's doing and both of us would go to my bedroom. I would listen to her lullaby.
I love my mom's lullaby. It's one of a kind that soothes me inside and out. One time, I did my very best hiding my face away from her, because I cried from her lullaby. Such love. Such warmth. Truly one of a kind. The love of my mother.
I couldn't prevent myself from growing up. I would no longer tug my mom for her lullaby. Instead, every night, my mom would go to my room, and sing me her lullaby while I'm in bed. Sometimes, I would pretend to fall asleep, so she can go. But then I noticed that mom would stroke my forehead and give me a kiss before she left the room.
I grew up and eventually grew tired of the lullaby. One evening, I came home very upset and I slammed the door to my room. I was wondering how my life turned out this way. I became so angry that I didn't care about anyone anymore. I lied on my bed and my inner self was shouting. After several minutes, I heard the door creak and I saw a silhouette of my mom enter the room.
She asked me what happened. But I told her that I didn't want to talk about it. In my mind, I was pushing mom off; I just wanted her to go away. Then she started singing me her lullaby. I don't know what came over me, "CAN YOU STOP SINGING ME THAT STUPID SONG EVERY NIGHT?! IT'S SO STUPID AND ANNOYING! I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE! JUST STOP IT!" I lashed out on her.
Mom paused and her voice was breaking. She said, "O-okay." then she stroked my forehead and I flicked her hand away. I lashed out on her even further.
"DON'T TOUCH MY FOREHEAD! I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT! YOUR HAND IS SO WRINKLY THAT IT'S IRRITATING! I HATE IT! JUST GO AWAY!" Mom walked away without leaving me her kiss.
I continued to grow up -- at least it's what I think. I moved out from home and into my new apartment. I graduated. I found a job. I thought I was well off on my way to this thing called life. But I began to notice that everyday's becoming so stressful and I even had a hard time sleeping. I bought a brand new car. I'm now seeing someone else. And I'm thinking of settling down. But life never got easier.
Life became so hard at one point that I got confused and I was not satisfied at anything. My work got affected. My relationship started to struggle. And nothing is making me happy. Despite the rally of friends, I am alone in this crowd.
One night, I've become confused why I am not satisfied when I have so much. I was longing for warmth, because it always feels cold in this world. I had this feeling deep inside that I didn't know. There was no word to describe it. But the loneliness was evident. Instead of coming back to the apartment, I drove back home.
"Hi, mom. Hi, dad." I said. They were pleasantly surprised and I ducked down, because I was embarrassed to let them see such a mess -- me. But the moment I stepped in through that door, and after the moment I've seen them both open the door, I started to feel much better.
That night I decided to sleep in my old room. My old room is still the way it was when I left. And I slept on my old bed. I was able to think clearly in that room; I found it odd. But I did the right thing going back home. But then again, I still had a hard time sleeping.
I heard the door creak. And I woke up from my shallow sleep. I thought that maybe mom and dad wanted to talk to me about my sudden visit. They're very sharp about these things -- they know when I'm troubled. And I do want to talk about lots of things with them. But I should've known better.
Mom started to sing me her lullaby. I found out that I've been missing such magic ever since I moved out. I was filled with such warmth and this is the warmth that I was looking for. Believe me, all the pain, all the loneliness, all the worries, all my fears were sucked out when I heard her sing. I started to sob and cry. I turned around and hugged her tight. I eagerly embraced her very tight; I didn't want to let go.
"I'M- I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY, MOM! I'M SO SORRY! I'M VERY SORRY!" I kept apologizing.
Mom chuckled a bit. "You're Sorry? What for?" She asked.
I looked at her face and she stroked on my forehead. "I'm sorry I lashed out on you. That one night. I'm sorry I took my anger on you. I'm sorry for being terrible and saying those mean and stupid things when you were singing your lullaby. I even insulted you. I'm so sorry, mom."
"Oh-- that?" Mom looked up. And then she looked down and she spoke with her eyes. "I've already forgotten about that." Mom smiled. The guilt was gone. And I laughed, because mom did forget. I thought that she would remember. But she simply didn't know what I was talking about. She forgot it. She forgave me. She did a long time ago. "Now go to sleep." She kissed me on my forehead.
5:38am and I woke up from this wonderful dream. I actually kept waking up in the middle of the night and, miraculously, even though this dream keeps cutting off, it also keeps proceeding like a fantastic tale between commercial breaks. The premise, as I can recall, is interesting that I immediately wrote it down when I can't go back to sleep anymore. I forgot the name of famous author that wrote on the wall when he had such epiphany.
Anyway, it's finally May and we're back on double digit temperature here in Winnipeg. I can't describe how happy I am. Although, it's also the start of my spring term. Four hours and thirty minutes of listening, awkward conversations and brain churning. I'm still 6 credits short, which is a pisser. I can't do anything about it. Oh, spring. I know that your pleasant, but move out of the way quick for summer.
I've had some problems with life once again. It's just that I've become really tired these days. But everything is slowly going back to normal. I just needed to vent it out and I've also told everyone at home why I felt like crap. To put it simply, I don't study for the sake of passing each subject. I want to fully experience and learn and enjoy and live like a student. It's not like me to be truant and pick what day I'd go to school. I don't want to make it my first priority to earn money. And because I do have work and school, I don't have anymore time for other things in my life. I needed to assert myself.
Hopefully, it's just two months and this spring will be quick. Do you know what's ironic? Since I paid for my tuition, I should start saving for my fall term. Already. Yeah. That's reality.
What's new for me? Uhm... I bought Murakami-sensei's 1Q84 and loving it. There's also Mitch Albom's Eleanor and Park, I bought it as a Mother's Day gift. Guys, Mother's Day is this Sunday! And Rainbow Rowell's Eleanor and Park. Reading is fun. And sexy.
I leave you with Mei's Desktop, a webpage for my new Project. It doesn't have much and is currently in Beta development. But I think it'll give you an idea of what the theme is for my new project.