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That one of a kind feeling carried over to my Saturday. And I'll be working on my last Saturday shift. I had this very light feeling going to work unlike the past Saturdays where every part of my body felt heavy. Maybe because I know that this would be my last Saturday shift. No, it's because her words still echoed in my mind.
All I could say is that it's a commemorative day indeed, for both the end of my Saturday and a commemorative day of the revelation of her words. I love you. It's true that I'm going with my all to pursue you. I'll never reserve you for anyone else. If only you could see the sheer joy that I'm feeling. I couldn't sleep properly last night. I couldn't stop smiling on my desk today. I was grinning on space and that I'm relieved no one saw me. They'd think I'm a creep or a weirdo smiling out of nowhere. But I don't care. Such is bliss. Such happiness is unfair. God loves me and then you love me? Do I deserve such happiness?
To be honest, I should be bearing all the anxieties and the worries. She has no reason to be worried about anything, because I haven't proven anything to her yet. Since we're oceans away from each other, I'll have to settle for talking to her however means I could. But I don't want to be that man who's just all talk. And when I come home and meet you, I'll have the time of my life. I feel nervous, because that's the time where I'd have to show that love is a movement.
I ask again, my God, this is only the start and I'm already feeling so much happy? I'm loved by God. I'm loved by you. I'm lost what to say of your grace that saved me. I couldn't help fall into it and I want myself to fall into it. You took me out of this circle, where I no longer start where I end, where I no longer end where I start, where my life is no longer a monotony.
So what is it that I'm really saying? Everything can be summed up with three words. They're words that I won't take for granted. They're words that mean one thing for everybody, but could be defined infinitely. They're words that I won't fall out of. They're words of vacuum that would consume me from here on. They're words I don't normally tell to anyone. They're words that mean something for me, and hopefully they're words that would mean something for you. They're the words that want to be told. And I won't hold back, just like how I'm writing this open letter to you, to that one girl that laid a claim to my heart. To that special girl that I've been searching for. To that girl that I've been praying for. To that girl that I want to spend my present and my future with. I'll tell them over and over to you, no matter how long, no matter how many times you want, and I won't get tired of saying it.
I love you.
Gising pa ang mga tao, mamaya na lang ako iiyak. The people are still up, I'll cry later instead. One person made me cry today. But I'm sure you're assuming the wrong thing.
One person made me so happy tonight that I wanted to cry tears of joy. I have been carrying an indifferent stance and I've been kidding myself for the past few days. I guess I felt indifferent, but what she said finally broke down my cool and indifferent heart. In those past few days, I felt cool and collected, because I thought to myself that it may be too good to be true. I mean, me? Me? Yours truly? She's agreed to go out with me? Am I dreaming? No! I'm going out with her and it's official? YES!
I love her. That's the truth. I love her. I dropped the bomb on her with my confession and I told her how I feel. I totally just wanted to get to know her, to pursue her, and be with her. At the back of my mind, I may be over my mind confessing to a girl who might be out of my league. I'm in love with someone a world away from me, and that's out of my reach; but I don't want to suppress it anymore.
No, I did not come in as a wrecking ball. I came in with sincerity and honesty with my feelings. My mind and my heart was one for the moment. Remember I sent her flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear back in February? I wrote what I felt there. I sent it without any expectations... no expectations that she would like me back-- 'Like' is the least I would hope for. I mean who was I? Where did I come from? Out of nowhere this guy sends you these things and tells you that he likes you. She could've shrugged it off and ignored it. We're far away from each other and what is it that I can do if she rejected me then and there? I said that I like her, because I was afraid to scare her with a word of such strong gravity: love. But the truth is, I love her.
We've been chatting often ever since. Fast forward to July, after her birthday, I asked her if she wanted to go out with me. I grabbed on to my seat waiting in sheer anticipation. They tell me that it's no rush at all if I asked her out. So I did. I meant to take it to the another stage, ask her to be my girlfriend. Asking someone out has a lot of definition. Kids think that it means hanging out as very close friends. High school folks think it's about dating to be a couple without pure commitment. At this point in life, since we're past that, I'm asking her out to be my girlfriend with an endearing commitment; a relationship planted as a seed, I would nurture and watch it blossom; a relationship that I'm looking for that I want to grow; the stage to set it all that we become more than just a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Thus I asked her out. I'm put on a disadvantage when I'm asking her out with a card. I like her, because it's the very least feeling that needs no confirmation. I love her, and I want her to know personally by showing it and let her feel it herself. Although, I can only do that when I come home. I love her. Yes, I do.
Telling a girl that you like her isn't something to be taken for granted. For guys, telling a girl that he likes a girl takes tremendous courage. The truth also applies when a girl confesses to a guy that she likes him. As for me, I'm willing to try out the waters. I confessed with no expectation that she'll love me back. If she doesn't like me. I'll try again. But if she really doesn't. Then I guess God's telling me to look at things someway else. That's what I thought when I told her that I confessed to her with no expectations. I did not expect for you to tell me that you love me.
She told me one night, "I love you." I kept myself cool. Her words lied dormant in my heart. I went on my usual business for the following days. The words kept still. But then one night, when you said that you love me, and we logged out, I wanted to cry tears of joy. It's no lie.
This is too good to be true. This is too good to be true! What is this weightless feeling? The girl that I love tells me that she loves me? I have been searching. I have been waiting. I have been patient for a long time. I have tried and failed miserably. We hear it in soap operas, in dramas, and we read a lot of 'I Love Yous', but it's true that hearing those three words mean a lot. A lot. But those three words are not ordinary and that sentence shouldn't be taken for granted. It would be a sin if I do. I can't believe it! She loves me? That girl who's a world away from me, the girl who I thought was out of my reach, the girl who I prayed for, the girl that my heart desires, that special girl that laid a claim to my heart, that girl that I was willing to get hurt if she says that she doesn't like me, it turns out that she loves me!
All those sleepless nights, those times where I didn't have any confidence due to my hopeless romanticism, all those experiences that I've had, all those love stories that I've written due to pure imagination and other people's experiences, they proved to be helpful in the end. I can't put my happiness into writing properly how I feel right now. I even told her that if she's uncomfortable calling her my girlfriend, I'd be willing to put our relationship like an open contract and give her the authority to terminate me if she doesn't like what's going on. I'm that of a martyr; a hopeless romantic eh? I had no intention of confessing and 'reserving' her in the future. What kind of a guy would do that? The assurance is that I won't hurt her, nor anything, and that I am the person pursuing her. If she doesn't like it, she can break up with me; but I won't leave her that easily. I won't give up. Cause I love her. The girl I love loves me. This drama is worth it. Crying about it with tears of joy is worth it.
The truth is... I can't concentrate. I'm falling. I can't describe this happiness properly. Words won't really suffice to how happy and thankful and relieved I feel right now. My God, this is no ordinary love.